The Science of a Cringe Battle

Picture this: you are walking down the halls of Branksome and you run into two senior school students who seem to be in some sort of argument–when suddenly you hear one of them scream some outlandish statement in a disturbing voice you wish you had never heard: “No, you’re the sussiest of sussy bakas.” Well, I’m happy and only ever so slightly embarrassed to say, that imaginary person is actually me. This “argument” that you thought you stumbled upon was actually what I like to call a “Cringe Battle.” Some may be familiar with the concept of a “Cringe Battle,” but for those of you who aren’t, allow me to explain. The concept is: a fight to the finish between two opposing players, in which both players’ goal is to make the other cringe to their core, until the other is no longer able to take a turn, as a result of total cringe. 

The first cringe battle I ever partook in was just over three years ago, in 2021 at a sleepover at my best friend’s house. We were in that special moment, which seems to occur at every sleepover in Grade 8: just when you’re about to fall asleep, a burst of energy hits. One thing leads to another, and you end up laughing for hours before really falling asleep. It was during this period where my friend and I came up with the concept of “Try not to laugh” except we added a twist and turned it into more of a “Try not to Cringe (Battle).” Little did I know back then, this seemingly friendly cringe battle would turn into my go-to activity for years after. I can guarantee that at any event or social gathering, I have battled or tried to convince my friends to battle me in a Cringe Battle. 

There are many types of characters I have come across throughout my battling days, each opponent providing more insight on their character.I have come up with umbrella terms for the two main types of players. The first is “The Refuser.” Understandably, there is a category of people who will do anything in their power to shy away from a battle. This character prefers to watch from the sidelines and judge those who do partake in the battle. Whether the idea seems too intimidating or too flat out weird for them, “The Refuser” is ready to say no to any cringe battle. However, as Ms. Helsby once said, “Rule number one of improv: always say yes…” and isn’t life just one huge game of improv? The second character whom I’ve come across (and is one of my favorites,) is “The Risk Taker.” “The Risk Taker” more than likely hasn’t performed in many cringe battles, if not any, but they are willing to try a new thing. More often than not, this character is the funniest of all. The mixture of bravery, yet paradoxical cluelessness, creates quite a comedic outcome. This makes them one of the most dangerous players to go up against. Unfortunately, I had the luck of running into a Risk Taker on my Week Without Halls Trip. I was searching for an opponent to battle with me at the campfire on the very first night in front of all of grade eleven and ten, but I knew a person who was willing to embarrass themselves in front of this many people would be hard to find. However, to my surprise, it only took me a few “no’s” until I got to a first time cringe battler: Juliett B. She took this challenge more seriously than I could have ever imagined. When the time came, Juliett and I battled it out, and the crowd cast votes on which player truly made them cringe, and Juliett The Risk Taker Borris (JRTB), had been crowned the winner. Coming away from this, I was disappointed, but I knew to prepare better if I were to come across another Risk Taker. There are many other types of players when it comes to the battle, and each and every one offers a different perspective and cringe battling style. 

You may be asking yourself why I am so passionate about a trivial and childlike game where two teenagers go back and forth spitting out mindless “brain rot” terms they’ve found on the internet, but the meaning behind a Cringe Battle is much deeper than that. I believe that “cringing” comes from a place of inner judgment of one’s self and second-hand embarrassment. Your thoughts when cringing probably sound like something along the lines of, “I would be so embarrassed if I did that.” The science of the Battle is this: the beauty in a Cringe Battle comes to life when its participants and viewers  hold a sense of quiet confidence and lack of judgment for themselves and others. Everyone holds an idea of what identity we have: whether we think we’re smart, stubborn, or funny, we allow ourselves to act within the perimeter of this small identity box. Practicing the act of letting go of our sense of self criticism can be liberating, and sometimes open up another side to our personality we never thought existed. Additionally, in doing so, we learn to chase failure instead of shying away from it. There is a quote by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, the author of Black Swan, that says, “You want to be the fire, and wish for the wind.” The message that this quote brings is that wind can burn out a candle, and it needs to be protected in order to stay alive, but a fire embraces this adversity and grows because of it. In its own way, a Cringe Battle helps provide the same growth by promoting adversity that can help build one’s character with the failures.

By providing a higher philosophical analysis of Cringe Battles, my hope is not to take the fun out of the game, but rather to explain the reasoning behind my obsession. I hope after reading this article, you might try a Cringe Battle out with some friends, or maybe by yourself in the mirror (ok fine, that might be taking it a little too far.) Moral of the story is: don’t be the Refuser, and be the Risk Taker if you want the best chances of a win. Whatever you do, do not come up to me and try to battle me in the halls–I would so totally hate that.